If you could have told me two years ago I would be writing this blog I would have said you are lying. Well here I am today and look who is writing.
Towards the end of 2015, a long term relationship I had been in came to an end. I have always loved relationships, delighted in them and enjoyed every minute of having been in one. The only problem was I had baggage from my previous relationship and what I didn’t realize is how baggage and pain not dealt with can break a relationship or marriage.
I was broken and broken in a physical world translates as selfish. That year it all came crushing down and I felt like I was going crazy. The one thing that I was sure about was I didn’t want to get a divorce in marriage and looking at my patterns and brokenness I was way ahead of a future divorce. I know, ‘what are you saying? but Ruthie you are a Christian.’ I know, just keeping it 100.
This is the very point I had to reach for God to turn my life around. I was desperate, in the sense that I did not want to be this person anymore. I want a beautiful marriage and want to exit marriage in death not divorce. Such times my prayers are simple. ‘Help me God. Don’t give up on me.’
Unfortunately, all this turmoil had taken its toil in my relationship and the result obviously a break –up. And so begun my journey into singlehood.
First reaction. DENIAL. No this is not the path I had in mind. Normal for me was being in a relationship. Single was a stranger I never knew and the most uncomfortable place I had ever been. Why? It forced me to confront myself and who I really was. I remember vividly in 2016 seated on the bed looking up to heaven and telling God “I cannot do this I cannot live this life without a relationship.” Now that is the confession of an addict, a clear indication relationships for me had stepped into the toxic zone.
Every day I prayed for grace to accept and come to terms with my new life while at the same time completely heartbroken because of the break –up. Wow, what a tough journey to walk on.
Someone maybe saying “Big deal, can always move on to another relationship.” Very true. However, this time I wanted God to deal with my brokenness and be at a place where i was psychologically prepared before marriage. In truth I was completely undone at this point and wanted an authentic change in my life.
No matter how hard it was, I said I would push through.2015 was horrendous.2016 unbearable.2017, well in this year I started to get it. By the end of that year my transformation even amazed me, relationship-wise.
What have I been doing as a single lady?
Well a lot. There is so much to do. I mean dates with my family,friends and especially my twin sister has been the most prized treasure and travelling the country.
My family members and friends have also made for perfect and great date mates in this time.I enjoy them so much.
I had hardly ever gone to a restaurant by myself before i was single.So going out alone in a restaurant sitting down and eating alone has really been an amazing experience as i observe others in the restaurant or read a book.
In this period, I have allowed God to heal my heart and work in my misses. One thing I had to learn is to be okay single and that God is our everything not man.
I have had ample time for my blog and YouTube channel. I came to learn I love creating a lot. Like seriously. So I have been making a lot of diy projects in our house.
Is it that am saying relationships are bad? No absolutely not. I am saying there is a time and place for everything. Singlehood is one of those periods in life that most people tend to skip. Yet it’s one of the most beautiful periods set apart by God for us and Himself (Now I know that). Entering into a relationship as soon as I entered university did something to my young undeveloped heart. It made me get attached to something that was not really for the right time. My identity and person became defined by a relationship. When not in one I didn’t know who I was and attached a lot of my value in one. See that was the problem, I made relationships an idol.
I was having a conversation with my twin recently and I shared with her how I am absolutely and honestly content as a single lady. This really is from the bottom of my heart. There was a time when all I thought of was when will my significant other propose, why is he taking so long, where will we go this weakened among others, to eating in restaurants alone, staying at home on a weekend and watching movies or sleeping, going out with my family, be consumed with a diy project and not feel as if I am missing anything at all.
I cannot even describe this feeling with words it is absolutely amazing. Amazing not because I can be independent forever, no but because I had the opportunity and privilege to experience this singlehood period before entering the institution of marriage. And not just entering marriage because I am desperate as my time is up or settling for any man just not to be alone, but entering a marriage with a very sober, clear and untainted mind and heart.
Does it mean you don’t desire a man and marriage now?
Noooooooooooo. A total lie. I still catch myself see a man and go ham on the “Could he be my husband? or wow he is just the way I like them.” Hahahahahaha this time round it’s jokingly and not obsessed as it used to be.
How did you attain contentment? Wow this is an absolute gift from our Father who knows us best. It took so much time to get to this place. However, it was not just an empty journey but one which God was busy at work in me. Honestly as the time went by, I slowly but surely started attaining a peace I cannot explain. One day after not thinking about it a long time I went “Wait a minute I am actually content being single. For real!”
What about marriage? Well I started off by saying I am a lover of relationships and it is my desire to be my husband’s wife one day. This time round I do not want to be in a relationship or insist on being in one or create one etc. No. I want to wait quietly for the day God presents me to that great man. I today and as I have done every other day have chosen to believe that in God’s right time all this will play out without a glitche since that’s what happens when God takes the wheel. God bless you all.