Hello lovely people, today I would love to share my story on battling with depression. I pray this encourages someone going through this or is just in a low period in their lives.
As you all know I am a Christian and most of my life revolves around the principles of God for everyday living. This is a constant working progress graciously executed by our Lord Jesus Christ through His Holy Spirit daily.
Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
2017 was one of my toughest years. The year saw me continue walk in the valley, be fruitless in my job search, major life changes and as if that was not enough, towards the end of the year I was diagnosed with a life threatening disease that has seen me be under medication to date (Story for another day).
As the year went by I faced a giant I dread. DEPRESSION. I majorly lost the will to live and slowly slipped into a dark hole. I lost focus of all my goals. It’s like I just snapped! The only question that I remember ringing in my head daily was “What is the point of all this? What is the point of even trying?”
I quickly understood that POINT OF NO RETURN that suicidal humans reach where no words or human effort can make a difference. A quiet desperation that nothing else can fix. Luckily for me being a Christian and knowing God He was the last stroll I held onto for dear life as I drowned into the darkness that sought to claim me.
Even in my desperation I reminded God that He is good and no matter what came my way, that would be my testimony even in death.
At this point I hated all that my life represented. I hated my current position. I hated the waste of life in me as I did not see the value I was adding in life. I lost interest in most things even the simplest tasks like getting out of bed. I wondered what value I held at that time? I hated that I was wasting God’s time. I saw myself as wasted breathe and became just another zombie living amongst the people. You can say I reached rock bottom.
God’s love is indeed amazing. Though present with us we are not always aware of it. It is this same love that saved me. On one of my lowest points of the year when the disease threatened to take away my eyesight, I cried in desperation to my Father in Heaven and wondered how far He would allow all this to go. On that day I felt in my spirit God say “Enough you are not going to go beyond that” words directed at the devil.
That day my heart was overwhelmed as I thought God had forgotten me. He was there all along and indeed was very aware of what I was going through. That day I remembered His love as I found peace knowing He was going to save my life, eyesight and restore me.
The days that followed after are a testament of God never leaving us nor forsaking us. He honestly never leaves us or forsakes us. (Hebrews 13:5). I would be lying if I said I played a role in the recovery. He Himself is working to restore me as I was completely crushed and helpless.
Philippians 2:13 “For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good pleasure.”
The year 2017 left a huge scar in me emotionally, physically and mentally. However the Lord God has been working to restore me once again. He also answered my questions “What is the point, what is the point of even trying? What am I to do with my time right now?” Answers I will share with you in my next blog post on the lessons that I learned from overcoming depression.
I want to encourage all who have known depression, suffering from it, watched another suffer from it, all those who have desired death more than life in their desperate moments in life. There is HOPE, there is hope there is hope and HIS NAME IS JESUS CHRIST. Please I beg you in the name of Jesus Christ. Call out to Him. CALL OUT TO HIM AND HE WILL SAVE YOU.
God bless you all.