It has been a while since I wrote on my wonderful blog a personal life lesson. Most times when I write a story here, it is either at a point when I am going through the lesson, getting the point of the lesson or have already learnt the lesson.
Today I would like to share with you, a couple of lessons I have come to learn on how to deal or cope after a break –up with someone that was your dearly beloved. Kindly add yours too in the comment section as this is a sharing platform to help all of us grow together.
So what happens when you reach that place where it is time to say goodbye to the one you have loved for years?
1.Do your part while you have the chance
Other than cheating I have come to learn of another great tragedy upon a break-up. Having not done my part to the best of my ability.
The one thing that I found broke my heart more was the fact that being the perpetrator, having had the chance to love someone and not having used the opportunity to do and be the best that I could have been.
This sounds ironic because we are advised to love with reserve so that we don’t get sooooo hurt when it is over.
However for me this is the one thing that consumed me day and night and hindered my healing process. I was desperate to right my wrongs but it was a little too little too late.
When you have loved someone and done all you could have done for that person whilst in the relationship, when the time to leave comes, even as you cry those hot tears, your heart will be at peace knowing you did all you could have done to make it work and are content to move forward in peace.
2.Refrain from any communication
Being ACTUALLY over with someone takes longer for other people as compared to most.
Now this process gets even longer when the former couple keeps on communicating with one another.
Most of the times this is done from a good and innocent place. Unfortunately the effect is detrimental to both parties.
Every communication no matter how trivial, opens up a floodgate of what used to be and a desperate hope that things can go back to the way they were.
So for each 10 steps you make, a call or meet up ensures that all your work toward moving forward is erased having to go back and start all over again.
I have been advised that the best remedy for this is to actually and deliberately not communicate with the other person for at least an year.
3.Accept the reality of the end
Sometimes one can be successful in actually not communicating with the other person but have to deal with another problem.
I have found myself say enough times that it does not matter whether the person is next door or planet Venus, and not talk to them. The problem is the fact that I still feel attached, bound, not yet set free from them in my heart.
This I have found to be one of the biggest challenges.
One of the most important lessons I have come to learn based on this and hugest favour you can do for yourself is ACCEPT THAT IT IS OVER.
Many of us live in denial. We keep hoping beyond hope that things will soon work out, they will soon be back and it will be okay.
This prevents someone from actually taking the necessary steps to move on and hence keep mark timing in the turmoil.
This is a great disservice to oneself since each time you speak with this person and that hope rises, then they go away after a short while, the whole process begins again. The tears each time as bitter as the first time.
Accepting the final end of the relationship will be indeed a big step in helping one start the healing process.
4.Evaluate your ended relationship
I have been told by a friend in the past not to waste my pain. I found this profound and useful in times such as this.
What can you learn from the just concluded relationship? If you are the one who cheated or the reason for the end, why did you do what you did? Is it an issue that you have been carrying with you to every new relationship? Are there issues in your past that you did not deal with? How can you deal with that issue so as not to keep reliving it?
If you are the one that was offended or the victim, can you find it in your heart to forgive the other person? Can you realize that it is not because of what you did or did not do? What are some of your strong points that you can carry to your next relationship?
Life is one big learning process. If you failed in one relationship you can always do better in the next one. At least this is something you can look forward for.
5.Seek God’s help
As you know I am one of those people who see no point of doing anything or striving for anything if God is not part of the equation.
Humans are the most ignorant beings when it comes to matter of the heart. We never ever seek to enquire the damage of any relationship in our hearts.
Whereas most of us seek to learn the pros and cons of any business venture and even plan how to mitigate negative impacts we may encounter in it, the same care is not exercised while walking into relationships.
We walk in blindly smiling and lying to ourselves, it’s nothing serious.
Now at the point of the end when you discover how truly messed up the whole situation is and that you are in the thick of it, that’s the moment you call out to your Father in Heaven.
Some break ups are so terrible that the only way you will get through them is by God’s grace and His strength.
Issues like being set free from the soul ties you created, the hold the other person still has over your heart, the healing of the deep wounds that are left behind and being restored wholly can only be done by our Wonderful Maker.
I may not know where you are in your break-up season all I can say is I humbly pray that it leaves you better and stronger by the grace of God.
May our Lord God bless you all richly.
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