Wait before you stone me beautiful ladies hear me out. First and foremost I do not mean being easy as the term is used in society. No! I mean being too quick and easy to give our all to the men we love. Get this, not all men but the men who have our hearts.
Not all women are like this. I refer to the women who may have found themselves in such a predicament.
So what do I mean? Have you found yourself being so quick and eager to speak to a man who has not talked to you for months or even years when they contact you? Such days you do not even question where they have been, the only thing in your mind is ‘He is back! I am so happy’. Have you found yourself sharing all your life’s aspect with him and in honesty you do not know anything about him? Like really those things that matter? Have you found yourself sharing your family, friends and all who matter to you with him, when you have never even met his sisters or brothers?
Have you found yourself acknowledging him to everyone and anyone yet, your name remains alien in his circle? Have you found yourself dropping everything for him most times but have come to learn he never drops anything for you? Have you found yourself ready and willing to do anything for him but he is not ready to do the same for you? Have you found yourself ready to give up great opportunities like job offers because you wanted to be considerate to your man? Have you found yourself ready to change in any way for this man?
Well, my dear sister if this is you then I am talking to you and you are easy. Before you start a pity party and condemn yourself listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you. Do you hear me? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. As women, when we love we just don’t love. We love HARD and DEEP, with all our being in a manner that I will never understand. What do you do when you love someone? Anything absolutely possible to ensure your “love” feels the love you have for him. Words are never enough most times and so if we can do it in actions we do it in a way that makes sense to us. This is our language of love. It is beautiful and God must have given this to us as a gift.
So why then is my tone in this blog negative? The way we love is amazing and was created to be exploited in the safe institution called marriage. A place where we can love without bounds. Any other context other than this means we are setting ourselves up for a heartbreak and it hurts more because in our own language, we gave that man everything, including our souls. Most often than not, most men that we fall in love with don’t necessarily feel the same way about us and do not hold us with such high esteem as we do them.
The truth of the matter however is most of us will go ahead and still love a man who will not marry us or doesn’t care to walk down that journey with us. Others just want to have fun and move on. So what do you do if you find out you are in this position next time?
Here are my top 3 TIPS on how to love with reserve and create firm boundaries that will protect your heart from a massive heartbreak. It will hurt but it doesn’t have to break you. Here goes (P.s. Feel free to add yours in the comment section below).
1.YOU FIRST NEED TO BE CONSCIOUS AND AWARE OF THIS FACT IN YOUR LIFE
Before acknowledging this to myself, I sincerely did not realize I was this way. I just thought, “I am doing the right thing and loving a man, what’s wrong with that?” However the Word of our Lord God says in Hosea 4:6 “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…” and just like that I kept perishing in this lie, till our Lord God brought it to my attention.
For every aspect that was pointed out, I saw myself for who I really was, too easy and without boundaries. Remember boundaries exist to protect us, without them we get hurt. This is captured beautifully in Proverbs 4:23 “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Once you are aware of your weaknesses you have a chance to become stronger.
2.HAVE A VISION FOR YOUR LIFE AND A VISION FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS A PERSON AND AS A COUPLE.
Who are you? What do you love to do? What are your hobbies? What are your dreams? Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15 years physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially? I say this with great emphasis because women have no identity when they enter in relationships. You lose all your dreams and take on his dreams. You lose your identity and take on his. And most women don’t seem to mind this. This is not okay since when you lose him, you lose everything about you as it was vested in him.
Secondly once you have your personal goals set, ask yourself what is your vision for your relationship, who do you want to be in it? What’s your purpose in it? What will you do and what won’t you do as a girlfriend or fiancé and what will you do as a wife? How far will you go as a girlfriend or fiancé?
Thirdly sit down with your “love” write and create a joint vision for your relationship. This is not an investment a man will be interested in if he sees no future with you or serious about you. It may for the most part be nonsensical to him. And ladies that’s your cue to leave as you know where this man has placed you in his life. A man who is serious with you will be more than glad with such an initiative. You think am kidding, check out Steve Harvey, who has a joint vision for their marriage with his wife Marjorie.
3.EXERCISE WISDOM LADIES.
This is not something you can buy or earn, it’s a gift from God. Ask Him for it. We are told in the Book of James 1:5 that “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
Why do we need wisdom ladies? Wisdom will allow you to know what privileges your fiancé can get at his level and those your husband can receive. Recently my beloved indicated to me the privilege of having his passwords and pin numbers was a right preserved for only his wife. You can imagine how eye opening this was for me. So there are those things he is entitled to as your boyfriend, fiancé or husband, exercise wisdom in offering those things to each category.
Ladies, I know some of you may have been easy maybe even just yesterday. Don’t feel bad or beat yourself up about it. Every day is a learning process and as we receive knowledge and God’s wisdom, we will do better next time. Remember, how you love is amazing and no one should make you feel like a fool for it. You may never change how you love dear, yet it is more than possible to prepare in advance how you will respond to your “love” the next time when faced with this challenge. Remember that day to respond with caution, a vision and most importantly with wisdom. God bless you all, wonderful ladies.
Youtube video :Let’s Talk: Women are too easy
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