One of the biggest challenges of an adult’s life is being single. It’s like people for some strange reason have to be with someone. This does not necessarily have to be a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. It can be a fling, that person you flirt with or just somebody you keep around to remind yourself that you are not alone and are still desirable.
Being single is something most people do not want to contend with. It is like if you are alone there is something wrong with you. Where did this thinking come from? It is as if being single is something to be detested and avoided at all costs.
I stopped being alone the moment I entered university. In my very first year in campus I got into a relationship. I have never been single since then or alone. I have not known what it’s like to be single or how to be alone.
I am not sure if this is a positive thing because even before I knew who I was, I was in a relationship. Like what other goals do i have as a person other than being in a relationship or marriage? My sense of self and goals seems to have revolved around being with someone. I have never had an opportunity to know who I am and if I can be alone, like seriously and be okay with it. Do you understand what I mean?
So what happens when you find yourself in this position? Do you run to the next available person or do u choose to be single? The reality will always be running to the next available person until you get tired of being defined by a relationship.
Many married people tell the unmarried and single people that they should enjoy their single hood before they get married. They say this from a point of knowledge. We should probably take on their advice. God has created each season in life for a reason. Find the reason in yours.
Today allow me to share with you a couple of thoughts on how to be single and happy at it.
1.Being truly single must be a conscious and deliberate decision
To be truly single, is to say no to the flings, side people or that occasional person you call for comfort.
If you are not used to being single and you are not fully decided on being truly single, you will not make it. This decision must come from within you. That point in life when you say “Enough, I do not want to keep living like this. I want a positive change in my life.”
The decision to be single must be one in which you are content enough, to walk truly single.
2 .Ask God to grant you grace, peace and contentment in your season of single hood
If you are someone who has never been alone, being single can be a big challenge. It is even worse when all you see around you are happy couples and friends on facebook getting married every other day. It further does not help when the one you were with moves on without you.
All this things can really get to you and there is a possibility of getting pulled into a pity party, depression and feelings of no self-worth.
To be sincere you cannot make it if you are alone, only God can see you through this season. Please ask Him for help.
3.What have you always wanted to do? A new hobby or activity? Do it now!
Most times we never get time for ourselves and so never really get to do much. Now that you have a bit of extra time on your hands, why not do something new and exciting? Could it be that dance you have always desired to do? Do it. That new hair cut? Do it. Do all those things that you have always wanted to do.(Check out my you tube channel for a video with suggestions of what one can do while single.).
You will come to realize there is so much that you have desired to do and never done. Your single period is not even enough to do them all but at least you will have begun.
My life has been composed of waiting and waiting instead of keeping busy. When will he call? When will he come? Will he ever come? When will I get married? Oh wait when is he going to propose? What is taking so long? and many more. I have always looked at my life’s watch and waited.
The wake-up call came one morning recently when God Himself lovingly questioned the productivity and fruitfulness of such a lifestyle.
He calmly asked “What if he never comes? What if you never get married? Does it mean you will never be happy? Keep busy my children keep busy!”
Wow, to hear that from God really hit me hard and changed how I look at things. He understands that an idle mind is the devil’s workshop and desires us to be busy while we wait, not just wait and be idle. It’s those idle moments that will lead one to sin. If the one for you comes, let him or her find you busy and improving yourself.
The hobbies and new activities are one of best ways to keep you busy .One of the things I was challenged to do is start making you tube videos. He knew how engaging they are and knew they would keep me busy and off my usual worrisome thinking.
5.Build a relationship with God and get to know yourself
Can you imagine how in all our days on earth we never stop to get to know God? What He likes, what He doesn’t like? What He desires for you? How does He spend His days? What does He love about you and this earth?
I mean every aspect of a being in a relationship. Have you ever asked God out for lunch or dinner and just been with Him in that time? He never leaves us nor forsakes us even in a single minute yet we do not even stop to acknowledge Him.
Secondly, how well do you know you? Have you ever dated yourself? Bought a gift for yourself just because? What hidden talents are within you?
It is in this time that we can get to know who we really are from our Maker and Creator, God. As we know ourselves and our dear Father we will become complete and get the perfect validation that we have always sought in all the wrong places and arms.
Could it be that God’s plan for the single period was for us to know Him, know love, and know ourselves first before He could present us whole and complete to the world and spouses? To find our self-worth, value, completion, love validation in Him first before we interacted with the world? How different would have life been if we began our journey from the Lord first?
When the right time comes for your one to take you, let him or her find you complete and in need of nothing other than a partner who can compliment each others life journey in accordance with God’s will.
Let’s move over to my you tube channel where i share Things to do while single!