Happy Friday y’all! Hahahaha, I know I know, it is Wednesday. Sorry, I usually keep my random funny posts for Friday but I may not post on time as I have a busy remaining days in this week, so I post it today.
I have always enjoyed observing things around me.Much goes on every second. So today I decided to write down ten peculiar things I am sure every Nairobian can relate to. Feel free to add more. Here goes:
1.Why is it that every time someone seats at the window seat in the matatu (Myself included) look outside until they alight? I mean it’s like an addiction. The other day I made a resolution not to look outside but the harder I tried to look in front, I found my face turning back to the window. I honestly don’t get it.
2.This one is a bit obvious and cliché. Nairobians are African Timers. Where did this term even come from? Who told us that it is our nature to be late to everything?
Is it so hard to just PURPOSE to get to your meeting or whatever at least 15minutes or if it’s that bad 5minutes early to the actual meeting time? Why does it have to be 2hours or more later? (I actually keep time so you can imagine my frustration as I write this. If you want us to have an issue just be late!)
3.Okay,so this one you will like. What’s up with the million mirrors in each and every kenchic joint we walk into? They are so many and everywhere. Is it already not enough that you don’t like people looking at you,then to walk in and have all this eyes stare at you as you EAT?
A few months back, I asked to speak to the manager in one of the joints to ask this question. They thought it was a serious issue like there is a nail in my food or something and so were a bit tense, but when I opened my mouth and voiced my concern, she laughed and guess what she told me? She doesn’t even know why!!!Somebody please help me. What is the logic behind the mirrors?
4.So another thing I find peculiar in Nairobi is the pressure to alight the bus or matatu before you get to the actual stage. I know this sounds crazy but each time people start alighting the bus impatient to get to the stage, I actually feel pressure to do the same since I will look unserious and not in a hurry to go get things done as they. No matter I am not going to work just on my leisure business in town. Damn this peer pressure thing is real!
Then the worst part is as soon as I alight, the bus takes off and I have to walk a good 5minutes to get to that stage while the rest of the faithful passengers who stayed and got to alight at the stage and never had to use unnecessary energy to walk all the way.
5.So when it rains in Nairobi and I mean even a drizzle the town turns crazy. Like literally. You have never seen people walk faster in your life. Then the most epic part of rain in Nairobi is the traffic jam that follows and scarcity of buses to take us home for those of us who have shares in public transportation.
One such day I got done! It was around 9:30 pm at night and there was no bus in sight and worse I was at the back of a queue that had coiled a couple of times. The situation was worse because being a flat foot standing for long periods of time can make me faint. I was like “Am done!” and made a resolution to stay in town. Thank God, He talked to my sweet dad who called at that precise moment asking whether I had gotten home or if I was still around town we go home together. Thank you God for your sweet thoughts every day.
6.Ok something else I find totally amazing is how fast foods joints in Nairobi call themselves ‘Something Fish and Chips’ while in the real sense they never ever serve fish in the joints. I don’t get it, why not just call this joints ‘Something chicken and chips’?
7.Hey Ladies, this one is for you. So fashion in Kenya is not unique to every individual. Ok it is kinda but I mean isn’t it crazy how if one dress, trouser, hairstyle or shoe is in fashion, 70% of the ladies in Nairobi will be having it? I mean in the days past it was the Kenya Uniform skirt. Trust you me, those days are far from over. If you didn’t know,you’d think Kenyans have one designer and hairstylist.
8.So if we were to have a competition of who are better personal car drivers in Kenya, we all know who the crown would go to. All the personal drivers who have to battle with Umoiners, embasavas, forward travelers, mwambas, rongai, thika road matatus and others.
The matatu drivers are so fierce on the road if you have to drive beside them, you have no option other than to know how to drive under pressure. Trust me, you don’t need to go to driving school if you drive beside this guys(Please don’t quote me as having said this).
I have seen my twin sister evolve as a driver in one year driving alongside the umoiners, mwambas, forward travelers, royal swift and embasavas. Trust me she is a better and more fierce driver that she could have been in 5 years on other peaceful roads in Nairobi. You know you are a good driver when my dad compliments you on your driving skills. That never happens.
9.I love how when we go to a restaurant we are quick to ask for the menu before making our order. We then look at it from first page to last then eventually say something obvious like “Give me fries and chicken or pilau”.Hahahahahaha.It is like a great discovery in the menu.
The truth is we know what we will order even before we see the menu, how do I know this? Nairobians are very conservative eaters! No pun intended. They eat their usual, Chips, ugali, nyam chom, rice, matoke and fruits. Anything other than that is foreign. “Would you like to have sussi?” “SAY WHAT!” “Lobster?” “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!” “How about snail soup?” “NOW YOU ARE INSULTING ME!”.
10.As much as I said Kenyans in general are African timers, I have to compliment Nairobians on how hard they work and quite fast I might add. That’s why I don’t get how they are African timers in other times.
Once I got in town around 6 am in the morning thinking I would be among the first when the town was fully packed with shops open and already selling. So if I woke up at 4 am to get to town this early, what time did this people wake up? Seriously?!!!
Our dear brothers in Mombasa, Tanzania and Uganda accuse us of being too fast but hey, if you want to be a Nairobian, KEEP UP!
So those are a few of the thoughts I had on things all Nairobians can relate to. I thank God for all that Nairobi has taught me and being a Kenyan.
#Najivunia kuwa mkenya.
Picture credit:Google images.