I CHOOSE ME

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How many times do you choose yourself on a daily basis? It’s ironic to realize just how many times we pick everyone else apart from us. Some people will forever choose others before them for they have never really known how to choose self while balancing the same with the rest. It’s understandable because choosing others before self is a kind and selfless act. A virtue if you may. I have always known the strongest people in this world to be the one’s dubbed weak for their big and selfless hearts. I am a strong supporter of this virtue up until it turns toxic to the one making this choice every day. The famous proverb too much of anything is poisonous is true as a constant and unreasoned choice of the people around us, eventually takes its toil on the inner man.

Being a compasionate person in a cruel world has its perk’s and downside. Somehow each day you hope that the world in that new day will treat you kinder or as you do. This day never comes, one comes to learn. Yet despite this sad reality compassionate persons seem to forever put the needs, wants, concerns of others ahead of theirs. Don’t get it twisted, compassionate persons are in no way doormats however the world interprets their nature to be that of a doormat who one can walk all over.

Me, myself and I is a person I want to get to know in the days ahead. Being a compassionate person is something one cannot change about their personality. Sometimes one wishes they can strip off this aspect of their nature as it seems to be more costly than rewarding. I realized being compassionate puts one in a position where they have to loose self to others and while in God’s principle it is to be so, it is not always appreciated and the result is people taking advantage of such a person. It therefore becomes imperative for compassionate persons to know where to draw the line and know limits are necessary to keep them sane and this is why…

Being in a position where you are constantly giving yourself and getting nothing in return eventually drains you of any emotional deposits you within you. Each time you write that emotional cheque to someone else, you forever hope that, that cheque will not bounce. This time. It’s not until your account is reading zero that you realize it’s time you started depositing into your own account and make that investment in yourself.

This seems to be where I am today. Today I choose me, not because I want to be selfish or stop being compassionate but because I also deserve to be chosen if not by another but by me. I choose me today.

One may bluntly say “Choosing others over self is a choice one makes and one which the maker, knows the consequences.” I must say this is quite true. I admit that choosing myself has been harder than choosing others. I am in a better position to get to know and serve others as opposed to myself. I obviously questioned how I would get to know and choose me for I found myself complex.

How can I know me if I do not ask my Creator about me? My loving Father seems to be the perfect person to learn from about choice of self as, even when I do not know who I am, He does. Even when I detest myself He loves me. Even when I ignore me and choose others, He remembers me. Even when I abandon myself, He never does. Even when I don’t want to associate myself with me, He does. All the while as I was choosing others, He never forgets to choose me even when I did. He cares for me when I do not seem to. Who surely would be better to begin this new journey with other than with Him?

My darling Father please teach me how to choose me as you always have. Thank you for remembering me even when I so easily forget myself.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. bianka says:

    very beautiful read.

    Like

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