break up

It all seems like yesterday when it all begun. The heart beat louder than the noise around you, afraid it would bust in its chest. The butterflies in your stomach flipping their wings vigorously. Your body trembled all over and would not stop it. The world then seemed brighter than it ever had. Sometimes one wonders how they were living before it all begun for when they walked in your life, that’s the day your life begun.

The inseparable journey for the two of you begun and soon were marked as the couple that were forever together. If you found one, you would be sure the other was close by. The love was more than enough and its supply never dwindled, in fact it seemed new every morning. Each day proclaiming your love to each other as if it was the first time all over again. A love that convinces you it will carry you for a lifetime.

Parting was always the hardest as you never really wanted to leave each other. Even when one was already in the bus, the other would come to the window and hold the other’s hand lovingly until the engine started running, forcing them to say a hushed “i love you” before the bus went away.

Such a beautiful experience. The good at this point always out does the bad. We are always convinced that we shall never see the day we grow apart. Crushing their hearts is an evil, one can never fathom .It is the greatest and sweetest point in life and one cannot see anything else but it getting better, until you have to say goodbye.

There are many words in life that we can state well and articulately, but goodbye is not one of them. Some goodbyes are easy to say, while others not so much. How do you tell your darling sister goodbye as she boards that plane? How do you tell your beloved family member goodbye as you see them fighting for dear life on that bed? Today i would like to know, how do you say goodbye to someone who you shared your life with for so long to a point they became part of you? After many years on earth i still have never learnt how to say good bye to one who held my heart and threw away the keys.

At that time, you look into their eyes and see that they are restless. Your heart starts beating faster and body trembling. This time not out of excitement of the love so deep but the fear of their unspoken words, that their time to leave has come. It is usually never sudden but a period of time laced with silent fights that impersonate the real issue. A ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

During these moments conversations with self escalate. I would like to know, why is it that in such days love seems to be a scarce commodity? It is administered in small portions and where not enough hate seems to always be sufficient. Why is it that on such days the only thing your love seems to remember about you is the bad you ever did? When did the look of deep love turn to a distant look full of detest?

At what point did the bad out do the good? Who do we become to each other at such times? When did we get here anyway? When did patience for each other run out? When did not talking to each other for days on end become a normal thing? When did respect for each other turn to a loosely held value? When did the tears of joy turn to sadness? Who are you to each other at such times? Where is your good to advocate for you in such times? I can’t help but wonder what happened to the undying love proclaimed and the innocent heart that wanted nothing else than to love and celebrate the other.

As the D-day arrives you pray for strength from above for your own strength at this time is useless. It’s hard to let go but in this life you know some things are beyond your control knowing God has created different reasons for each season. And so you look on helplessly as tears as hot as scalding water run down your cheeks and say “God may your will be done” not because you have come to terms with the unfolding events but because there is nothing else to say in the face of this reality.

What is someone supposed to do at such a time? Are you supposed to be mad and angry for the time of your life that you gave or are you to tell them thank you for the years of their life that they gave you? Will parting ways ever be a celebration of the life shared? Is the urge of animosity toward each other greater than the love you ever claimed you had for each other? Unfortunately, at that point the strongest feelings are not the good times that you had, but the stinging pain of the hurt you feel at that moment. I guess the one who said there is a thin line between love and hate must have seen this.

The emptiness that suddenly fills one is like a vacuum. How can you not feel so when someone used to fill that part of you? Food all of a sudden loses its sweetness and partaking in it becomes a punishment. Is it just me but don’t the days that follow look like a cloudy day despite the sun shining brightly? Suddenly all usual things that you used to do, seem mundane and tasteless. Looking at the door presents an uncertainty, for you don’t know what’s on the other side of the door. These surely must be in the list of the worst days of someone’s life.

Letting go and releasing someone you have loved deeply quite is tough, but it remains necessary to do so once in a while in our lives. Saying a sincere bye takes God giving one courage and peace to release them and to say thank you for the times they gave you. Their time in your life though for a moment were not in vain for you grew in one way or other because of them and if not learned a thing or two from them. We may not ever know why saying goodbye is necessary when it hurts so much always but I have learnt to trust the one who says He does all things for good for those who love Him.


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