Death has always been a scary thing for most of us. We do not even want to talk about it, am yet to find someone who does. One of the reasons as a lawyer that i have come to learn is the reason why most people do not write Wills is because the idea of contemplating one’s own death is either too crazy or not to be entertained. In fact try telling someone today you want to write a Will, i can bet the very first question will be “why? are you dying or do you want to die soon?”It’s a crazy question but true, one of which i have asked a couple of times too. Death has never been a friend to mankind and boy wont we be glad when we see it go up in flames on the last day “Death where is your sting now?”We will ask.
Another interesting thing about death is that no one ever seems to be ready to die. I mean no one. People will tell you all manner of reasons why they are not ready to die don’t mind the fact some of them are well over 100years.If the arguments on ‘i am not ready to die’ were to be used in a court of law, i am positive each of those cases would win each time. They are passionate, driven, precise and no doubt persuading and if i were the judge on who was to die or live, i would definitely have to add more years to such persons. I mean who would not be most obliged to do so? The only problem would be, the earth would be totally congested for lack of deaths.
Today morning as i looked out the window in the office, this beautiful sunny day a ‘crazy’ thought came into my mind. ‘What if today was your last day on earth? At exactly 12am?’As i stood there, for once in my life i was not afraid. I mean the thought of dying has always scared me for i was not sure what would be waiting for me on the other side. Today however i was calm and thought of what i would do before i die instead. That is realistically speaking.
The time is definitely too short for me to travel the world, accomplish all my dreams, get married and live happily with my husband, be a mom, witness my family and friends lives, swim in the ocean one more time, achieve my bucket list, become the chief justice of Kenya, minister to more people, meet all my friends, see grandpa one last time and my goodness the list is endless. How precious time seems in such moments, right? Realistically speaking what i would be able to do within the few remaining hours would be limited. Thus having to prioritize my list of things-to-do and so here is what i would do:
- I would finish my last case file, leave work as i call my family with an urgent notice to meet them all later after work and if possible sooner. Knowing them, they would probe me on what is happening and why the urgency but this time i would not barge and would tell them to be patient till later.
- I would have lunch with my love one last time and watch him tell me stories as if tomorrow was a given for him to pick up from where he left. I see him giving me a hug and me holding him tighter that usual knowing it’s the last time. Oblivious of my being emotional would tell me he loves me, everything will be fine as he leaves for working telling “Tomorow morning as usual okay?”Smiling. I would nod fighting back tears as i knew, he’d never walk me to the office ever again. Looking at him walk to the office would make me realize how useless in that moment all our fights and arguments were. None of the issues discussed in them even mattered now. I would call him in that moment and remind him i love him and to never to forget that. He would laugh am sure and say “i love you too,” before proceeding to the office.
- I would call all my dear close friends and tell them how much i love them, appreciate them for all they have done for me, praying i would be able to give them as much as they have given me. Knowing them, they would be like “yah yah Ruthie, no biggie, love you too” not knowing am trying to say goodbye .They would end the conversation by saying “Got to go, later okay?”Confident they will hear my voice on the other end the next time they call me. Come to think of it now, we humans are a bit audacious when it comes to saying ‘tomorrow’ when we have no idea whether it will ever be.
- I would head home and wait for my family to arrive, having told them all it is something urgent a matter of life and death. Well for once it would actually be, literally speaking. Knowing my family, they would all be assembled in a jiffy wondering what was going on and deeply concerned. As i would look at them and see their obvious concern i would not be courageous enough to tell them but know would have to eventually.
I would insist on buying diner which would have to be my favourite dish, fries and chicken. Yap, there is no way am leaving earth before eating fries and chicken one last time. Since calories would become history in a few hours i would ask for a full chicken and a lot of fries (hahahahhaha).They would all be enjoying their meal as i remind them all of the days of our lives. We would laugh and cry as we partake of our last supper.
After the meal i would tell them all how much i love them and seek forgiveness for not being a better sister and daughter. I would hug them all tightly as by now they would have begun to realize where all this is headed. My twin sister would be the first to voice it asking harshly “Ruthie are you planning on dying today?” She would get very pissed and ask why i spoke this way. My mum would sit down and hold her mouth and chest as she shook her head saying how sometimes i can talk crazy. My big sisters by now would be crying not able to talk. My small sister would look at me with wonder as grief overtakes her.
I would encourage them to ask me curious questions and not to be sad. I would also ask them politely not to pray for my return to earth because once i reach heaven i wouldn’t want to come back, wanting to make this clear. Their kind understanding on my stand in this matter would be appreciated and if not i would haunt them calling them at night like “Naaaaaaaoooooooooooomi!Naaaaaaoooooomiiiiiiii!i have come to get you”(Sound effects: Scary movie voice.)They would laugh and cry at the same time saying “Aki Ruthie!!!”
My dad would finally gather everyone around me on that sofa and say a prayer over me in the final minutes of my life. I would hold on to my twin sister’s hand tightly as i look into her eyes not wanting to let go as the others hold and hug me. As the last particles of my life’s sand would drop and feel my spirit leave me, i would tell them how beautiful it looked say bye tears flowing for i never want to leave my family.
One of the regrets i would have if i would die today would not be the cars i have not driven, the professional success i have not yet gained, the Masters and PHD degrees am yet to attain but instead not having had more days to make God smile while am on earth, the opportunity to experience all the awesome blessings, gifts and power God has so generously given us for that’s all that ever mattered. Secondly, i would regret all the times i had wasted not loving my beloved family and friends enough and just giving them my most precious gift, my time. It seems therefore at the end of life one longs for all the important things that remained un-important while they still had time and all that seemed very important becoming meaningless at that moment. How i pray to focus on the things that will be most important at my death bed and next life.