Such a basic question right? Not so much. I realise that life has different stages and i am in that stage where i am supposed to confront this question. Questions like “When is your big day?” have already started cropping up slowly. I cannot help but wonder what marriage is. Is it a stage that you must pass through like education? Is it mandatory like school? Is it a contract or a partnership? What is the effect of one not getting married? What is the right time? Does life come down to marriage or is there a bigger purpose? And why do people get married anyway, like seriously?
It seems like such a craze when it’s time. At that time the drive and passion is quite strong, one would seem not to desire anything else but that. Despite the rate of divorces being on the rise and rising rapidly at that, more and more couples every weekend are headed to the altar with the most glam and expensive weddings.
The bar has been raised significantly and young grooms cannot help but feel pressured by the need for a perfect wedding and nothing less. Don’t get me wrong. I love weddings and i am happy when i attend my friends’ weddings and pray them well with sincerity. I usually do not dance in public due to my reserved nature, however during weddings i am a free spirit. I dance till the master of ceremony asks us to take a break. It’s really one of the best days of anyone’s life. Isn’t it?
I asked what marriage is, not because i do not know what it is but rather what it means for us. Marriage is yet again one of God’s gifts to mankind. Such a loving, thoughtful God He is. He forever amazes me. In everything He leaves his signature. In this topic, it’s the signature of love and companionship. He knew just by looking at Adam in the Garden of Eden all alone, how bored he would get and though He is omnipresent, He would not always be there to chat with Adam and so he made a companion for him. A woman. The most beautiful and appealing creature on earth.
Instantly the world became brighter and more colourful when we were introduced. At this point i cannot help but wonder how the world would be without women. Admit it men, we maybe too much sometimes but, we truly are the best thing to happen in this world. Hahahahahaha (I am a bit cocky here but, truth be told).So in His perfect wisdom God made us and decided our union would be called marriage. He went on further to bless our union. A companion for life, and your life’s witness becomes your portion the moment you say “I do”. Didn’t God think of everything?
How does such a perfect gift turn to be so terrible? How does such a great union become so unbearable? How does the one who said i am the one and only find another behind my back? How does such sweet love turn to bitterness? How can the one of my dreams be the one to end my own life with his bare hands? How does the loving family turn to be so cruel and selfish to each other? How does the “till death do us part” become divorce? How does the vow made in front of God and hundreds of witnesses become so easily broken?
It is clear God intended it to be great and His word says anything that is good comes from Him. God does not change and neither are His words inconsistent. They still hold true till the end of time. Marriage therefore is a good thing and will be till He returns. This clearly shows the problem is not with Him but us. Going back and asking “Why do i want to get married?”would be a good place to begin.
This is a question i got to ask myself the other day and i was at loss for words. As usual, the concept is so obvious that i did not stop to think about it. It seems like just another life stage we have to go through. It is only logical to go through it at some point in life. Right? But why i asked myself? What’s its purpose in my life in totality? Surely, is it just to get children, make my husband happy and die at old age? Is this really the reason God intended for it? Asking these questions brought up other deeper questions. Who am i? What is my purpose on earth? How does my purpose in this life tie to marriage? How does my love fit in this purpose? How do i fit in his? In all this i realised something, marriage is bigger than us. It is not just two people together but a divine purpose in a much bigger plan.
This would therefore mean, it is one of the most important choices in one’s life. A decision that should be made with uttermost seriousness. Making of this decision has been replaced with a relaxed attitude of “after all,there is divorce”. This does not derogate its seriousness. A bad choice is enough to affect every aspect of one’s life once in it. It’s funny how it always leaves a scar in one’s life. A reminder, it is not joke. I thank God for He heals all pains no matter the situation even this one. It would seem therefore the act of giving your life to someone through the covenant of marriage is not only physical but is also mental and spiritual. A decision so important that if you miss, you will suffer gravely while if you get it right then you will enjoy forever, experiencing the awesomeness God intended it to be despite the storms.
A recent sermon was on marriage. The pastor clearly explained that the devil is well aware that God’s perfect plan for the world is through the family. This thus has always been his primary target. He knows that everyone belongs to a family and if he can make two wrong people to meet then he has succeeded in destroying communities and nations at large. He continued to advice us that when it comes down to making the decision, we should ignore our age and pressure for the moment. The pressure for a bad marriage is far worse. We must first know who we are and set our priorities straight. God already has the right person for us but must first submit to His will.
What do you need in a man? What do you need in a woman? It is not about what you want but who you need. A person that will make you better, as you do the same to them. Do not marry for sex, your age, loneliness, finances, pregnancy, family pressure, or because you are afraid of losing someone or like the idea of marriage. Marry because you want to fulfil the purpose the Lord has already set for you in that marriage.
The other day my beloved said that “I am not faithful to you because i love you. I do, but that’s not a reason enough not to. I remain so because I love God and fear Him. His commands and Word remain hidden in me, that i may not go against Him. They are what sustain me and have upheld me in my life’s situations and so will they in this relationship.” I was awwwwwwed by the words but at the same time it rung a reality check bell in me. Nothing i would do or say, would ever keep him with me.
There is always going to be a younger more beautiful more intelligent woman out there to capture his attention, the tragedy of life. I became very much aware of the futility,of our human efforts. I realised with such clarity that even in marriage the only one who can sustain it, is God not our human strength and efforts. It is beautiful not because of what we do to it, but what He does to it. Don’t you see it? It has never really been about us anyway. It has always been about Him in everything.
It is with this i conclude by saying, i look forward for the day, however i look more forward to living God’s will in my life so that i may bring glory and honour to His name. After all the real truth is it’s all about Him. It has always been.