As i was growing up, i had everything figured out. I knew which school i wanted to attend, which dress to wear on Sunday, how i wanted to speak, how i was to behave, the right table manners, the way to talk to people and so much more. I knew after primary school, high school would follow pass my exams and join university where i would work hard and attain top honours and graduate.
After that i would get a very good job and become the best and obviously, become top management if not the owner. This would be followed by I meeting my handsome prince, where upon we would get married and live in a big maisonette house and big cars parked outside the compound. Our three little ones would be perfect and our love,a story to tell the world.
At this point my husband and i would co-author a book on true love which would become the world’s best seller with interviews around the world. The one question they would ask would be “How do you manage all these and remain so balanced in all aspects. I mean a CEO husband, a top country lawyer wife, three lovely children and perfect love ,how do you do all that?”
I see myself smiling broadly and turning lovingly to my husband debating who should answer the question as the reporter blushes at this adorable love. This would be followed by our late years where we would die at an old ripe age of 100.A great end that would leave a legacy with our pictures used to display success, love and legacy. The perfect life.
As humans we have everything planned out to the last detail. We write down rules to guide us on the journey called life and make statements like, ‘to succeed in campus, i will ensure i don’t get a boyfriend. I will join the Christian union to have my behaviour in check’. We say we will not go there nor the other place because it’s not right. We know good,bad and all the unwritten rules of the world. We devote ourselves to our goals, dreams and above all our rules. After all it can’t be that hard to follow. Right?
This remains to be a true vow to self until life gives you unexpected surprises. There you are in university and in enters that tall dark handsome man. Your heart starts to beat as your mind plays tricks on you. At that point you reach for your guide book of rules to check if you wrote anything about such feelings. “Oh my. Where is it?where is it?”You ask as you flip the pages frantically. Which rule was this? Unfortunately, you find out you never wrote down such a rule. How do you stop your heart from beating for that handsome man or that beautiful lady? Remember no dating in university as per your rules. All your preparation and rules did not prepare you for rules of the game called love and you just can’t help smiling and waiting he talks to you.
As you scratch your head to remember that case law for negligence in an exam room, your dear friend shoves you a paper at you with the precedent while the invigilator is away. You remember your rules never to lie but also remember, a re-sit exam will mean you do not graduate that year. What about when you find your true love in school and nothing in the whole world makes much more sense than getting married.
As you peruse your guide book, 30 years down the line, you begin to analyze your progress and make a review. You realize that high school was tougher than you expected and despite passing through all hardships you were not called to pursue the course of your choice, thus ending up doing another for lack of necessary fund to attend a private university. In university you end up dating a couple of people.Some become mothers earlier than they anticipated and you realize your first love isn’t always your last.
You get to work and realize people do not always shoot to top management at once. It’s a hard and gruesome journey most of the times tainted by politics. It’s sad to realize people at work are so uptight and petty, you reminisce on your campus days when everyone was easy. You look at the calendar and realize you are turning 31 and no potential suitor or lady in site. For the married, they realize marriage is not the fairy lived-happily-ever-after tale as they were told and children can also be hard work though very adorable.
As you continue striking out the rules you once wrote as a girl or boy, you realize actually most of the things you said you’d do and all the vows made with self were never honoured…..you don’t know how it happened,i don’t know how it happened but it did…At this point, all the rules make no sense at all…
If you would have asked me when i was in primary school what colour life was, i would have told you affirmatively its black or white. It’s either good or bad. Fast forward today and my answer is grey. For instance one cannot be quick to say a young girl with child is promiscuous. Have you considered the possibility of a victim of the vices men inflict on women involuntarily? What about staying in a job that does not make you happy anyway? It’s called security. Why aren’t you driving a range rover at 30? It’s called priorities and so much more.
The nature of life is surprises and unexpected circumstances. You do not know what tomorrow brings. You do not know how to always react in all situations and there is possibly no way of knowing it all. It’s impossible to be always right or get it all right. One can never be too careful because life just happens even to the most principled and disciplined of us all.
You make mistakes, fall, rise, fall again and it’s ok. It’s life. You would not be the strong person you are today if life had not taught you through its life lessons. So relax. We don’t always have it all together and it’s fine. All our dreams and desires will be attained regardless of how long.As long as we keep our eyes focused on that dream despite the many stones thrown at us on the way.After all life really is grey in colour not black and white as we thought.