WHEN IT BEGUN
I remember the year 2011 as if it just happened yesterday. I remember it so vividly for it is the year when I started living. I didn’t realize the walking dead series was as real as they get.Ok,I admit we look nothing like the rotting corpse, but the truth is, most of us are living but actually dead. My life begun in that moment when, I gave my life to Jesus Christ as my personal savior.
It was a quiet time alone between God and I. In that moment all the walls I had built around me and sure would never break down, all came down crashing. In that moment I was naked in front of Him and open. I poured my heart to Him in that breaking moment, wondering how I had even lived a day without Him.
I cried like a child as I became very aware of my sinful dirty self and how unworthy I was to even be in His presence. I doubted I deserved Him and told Him there were better people to save. All this while he was silent, looking at me lovingly and didn’t even say a word of judgment or even hint it in His facial expression.
How can a pure God like Him even sit in my presence? Surely! How can He look at me and not judge me, while my friends, family and even strangers judge me? How can He even forgive my sins? Who is this God I wondered on that day. All He did was give me a big embrace that was full of love that overwhelmed me, my little human heart and told me welcome home.
I don’t know how you felt on that day, but as I surrendered all to Him and gave Him my life, I felt a feeling no words can describe. Let me say the most awesome of all awesomeness for lack of a word. It was more than this though. I shudder when I remember that feeling. It was the best thing to happen to me. My Life was transformed and I have never been the same again.
MY NEW PASSION
After that day, I had a new passion and drive in life. His name is Jesus. I was and still am, drowned in Him. I really don’t understand how it is possible to live without Him. He is literally my everything. The reason I wake up in the morning, the strength that I use to move around, the fuel that drives my two feet, the brains behind my education, the provider of my needs, my friend every day, my comforter when am sad, my joy everyday,my advocate in all cases on earth, my teacher in life and school, my connector to all jobs and opportunities, my faith, hope and love, my daddy, my doctor when am sick, my defender to my enemies,oh my goodness my Redeemer and cleanser of my sins every day, my strong fortress, my prince of peace, my first love, my breath…glory to God I cannot even finish for it is impossible. Oh Jesus how I love you. How can I live without you?
See many people in life are driven by success, money, love and many other inspirations but as for me, I am driven by Christ. He is my passion in this life. All I want is to serve and live for Him. I admit I love being a lawyer and all, being a sister, being a girlfriend, being a friend, being a Kenyan.However I love being His child most. It overrides everything else.
I am sure if He tells me to leave my job for something else; I don’t have to think twice. Where He is, is where I want to be, all the time. One may call this I don’t know what you want to call it, may be fanaticism but no. Is there really life without Jesus? As for me, no. He is my life. For me to live is Christ, to die gain. I do long to go home to my father all the time.
Being a Christian has remained to be the best decision in my life, but trust me the hardest path to follow. It’s like when you said yes to Him all challenges come running after you. The Lord didn’t promise us sun without rain laughter without sorrow bad days, tough days. He didn’t. He promised though to never leave us or forsake us. He is always there even in the midst of all this trouble and always fights for us and lets us come out victorious all to the glory and honour of His name.
The transformation of salvation is not instant but works how an organ transplant works. It takes time and slowly by slowly, you start seeing the changes. Temptations and tough decisions don’t depart from you, if anything, they now seem more appealing than ever. Always remember you are flesh and all that comes with it will haunt you. I know, I know, the spirit is willing but the body is weak. This is a reality I have encountered enough times, if not every day. But in all God offers us an escape route and that His grace is sufficient.
I have seen God daily in my life. Sometimes I see something and just laugh and say “nice one God”. He really has a great sense of humour.I see His angels around me all the time and their protection.
I remember once we were hijacked and after making rounds with us, they left us in an abandoned place and had to find our way back home. I was dropped off our bus stop at around 1am by the same bus that was hijacked.After being dropped i froze on the spot and told God I couldn’t walk home. You know how thugs walk in that hour and being a lady made the situation more frightening. He pushed me forward and I just kept walking. It was quite a stretch to our house. Along the way, the fear of my life came to pass, 3 men appeared in front of me looked quite suspicious and as we approached each other I resigned to the fact that, that day was my last on earth.
Amazingly, they passed me as if they had not seen me. I almost fainted, kept walking quickly least they look behind and notice me. How quickly we forget God’s goodness. As if that was not enough I had told God I would sleep in the forest near our home since I had no phone and the gate of the apartment was locked and no door bell. As I was siting down on the ground which I could not be sure if it had snakes but much better than the gate which could have made me an easy target for the walkers of the night, I heard the gate being opened from where I was and run as fast as my legs could so that they don’t lock me out. Wonder and behold, it was my twin sister standing at the gate and calling my name!!!She obviously couldn’t have known, I didn’t call .I asked in awe, how she had known and said she had been told to come to the gate that i was there.OH MY Lord how great you are.How caring you are.
MY HEART’S DESIRE IS
I want nothing else in the world but to speak to the Lord.The manifestation of the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives is rarely experienced in our lives and some of us die before ever experiencing it. The reason? We don’t ask. Ask and indeed it shall be given to you. I don’t want to live an ordinary life when I can live an extraordinary one. I want to have superpowers all to the glory and honour of our Lord. I want to see what Paul saw, what he experienced.
That glorious experience that made them go crazy for God. How can a man be stoned to death rise again and proceed to the same people that stoned him to preach the word of God? What is that he saw or experienced that made him be this way? So fearless, so not conscious of preservation of his own life, so driven like a mad person? What did you see Peter, Paul? Only the Lord could have revealed himself to you personally for you to be this way.
Lord there is nothing more I would love in this world than to see you and experience you personally. It has been my desire for a long time and I doubt this desire is going anywhere. I will ask until I see you. I want to be used of you. I will go where you send me. I will do what you ask of me. Speak Lord am listening……and waiting eagerly.